Haunted houses this time of year are usually packed with zombies, chainsaw-wielding scare actors, and fog machines. But if we are being completely honest, none of those things hold a candle to the mild panic runners face on a weekly basis. Want to spike your heart rate? All you have to do is step out of bed for your 10 mile run and feel a weird twinge in your ankle! Scary stuff!
In honor of spooky season, I’m building a runner’s haunted house. Here are five, terrifying rooms to strike absolute terror into the heart of every runner!
A Haunted House, But It’s An Endless PortaPotty Line…
You arrive at the start line 15 minutes before the gun goes off. You’ve been sipping your coffee all morning, and now nature is calling. You round the corner to find a line of 300 runners waiting for one, single porta-potty. It’s already out of toilet paper, and it’s leaning just a little too far for comfort. The national anthem is already playing over the speakers.
A Haunted House, But It’s A Mystery Twinge…
You swing your legs out of bed at 5:00 AM, plant your feet on the floor, and hear a distinct creak that didn’t come from the floorboards. Was that your left knee? Your Achilles? Your plantar fascia? You take three, hobbling steps across the bedroom rug, holding your breath and wondering if your training block is about to crumble before your eyes.
A Haunted House, But One Shoe Is Laced Tighter Than The Other…
You know that feeling: one set of laces is just slightly tighter over your arch than the other, and it’s about to derail the whole day. You adjust one, and it still doesn’t feel right, so you retie the other. Now you’re stuck in an endless back and forth, trying to even things out.
A Haunted House, But It’s The Most Uneven Terrain…
You step out, and suddenly you’re forced to complete a five mile tempo run, paved entirely with uneven brick, loose cobblestones, and hidden tree roots. To make matters worse, nobody is allowed to wear stability shoes or thick-soled cushioning, and you’re fighting against rolled ankles with every step.
A Haunted House, But Your Smart Watch Died
You’re pushing through the final stretch of your goal race. You hit a huge personal record, cross the finish line feeling triumphant, and reach down to stop your GPS watch… only to see a blank, black screen and a low battery icon blinking back at you. If it isn’t on Strava, did the run even happen?
We might laugh about these moments, but facing an upset tummy or mislaced shoes takes real mental toughness! Running gives us plenty of triumphs, but it definitely keeps us humble along the way.
Which room in the runner’s haunted house would make you turn around and run the other way first?
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