runfessions: running disappointment + a fresh start

Running disappointment is pretty much the theme of these last weeks of the year. I had huge goals and plans, and I fell woefully short, even if it wasn’t my fault. We are entering a new decade, however, and it’s time to air it all out.

Let’s join up with Marcia’s Healthy Slice and talk it out on this last Runfessions date of 2020.


I runfess…

That I am incredibly disappointed with how my year in running ended. Accidents happen but this was NOT how I wanted to go down. My goal was 1,019 miles for the year, and I crashed to a halt at 869.14.

running disappointment

I runfess…

That physical therapy is HARD. I’m not one to back down from a challenge, but this is ridiculous. Each 60 minute session with the PT leaves me exhausted, sore, and in need of a nap. I know I should be proud for my progress, but I tend to feel defeated by what I can’t do yet. Diligence is key, and I’m sticking with it, no matter how discouraging it gets.

running disappointment

I runfess…

That I miss being active. Sure, I can do stretches. some cycling, and light weights, but that’s not boosting my heart rate and working up a sweat. I miss the community of running and 9Round. Sitting around has never been my jam, but here I am, sidelined. It’s frustrating and the running disappointment is so very real.

running disappointment

I runfess…

That it’s hard to focus on the “what’s next”? I am registered for several races in the New Year, and one by one, I’m making the decisions to DNS. Part of the reason is I am unable to actually drive myself to said races, even if I could manage to speed walk my way through the distances. It’s been years since I haven’t had solid race plans and I don’t like the way it feels. The running disappointment is real.

running disappointment

I runfess…

That it was weird not receiving any running related gifts this year. Not a one. I mean, I get it. I might as well wait until I’m out of the boot to get new running shoes and whatnot. That being said, I am incredibly appreciative for a pile of new books (now that my brain isn’t foggy from meds, I’m reading constantly). Plus, I now have a new hobby to help occupy my time.

I runfess…

That I haven’t been wearing my Garmin religiously. Since the surgery, all my skin has been hyper-sensitive and the band has given me a bit of irritation. Ugh. Of course, that means I’ve had my eye on new Garmin, and I think I may treat myself to one when I make my comeback. Out with the old, am I right? Maybe the Forerunner 245 Music?

I runfess…

That despite all the running disappointment, I am trying to see 2020 as a fresh start. Maybe, in relearning to walk and to run, I can break some bad habits in form and training. In my efforts to build up my leg, maybe I can push myself with heavier weights and more attention to my weaker muscle groups. The new year might not be starting out as planned, but there’s certainly plenty of room to make something of it. Positive attitude is everything, right?

running disappointment

Here’s hoping 2019 brings you a few more days of wonderful things and that 2020 is full of fresh starts!

What would you runfess?

What do you do when you’re discouraged by your own limitations?

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22 Responses to runfessions: running disappointment + a fresh start

  1. Michelle D. says:

    Sorry for all the running disappointment – it’s so hard to have everything come to such an abrupt stop. It does sound like you’re making good progress with PT – you’ll come back stronger than ever!

    BTW – what is your new hobby? I couldn’t figure out what that machine is.

  2. Kim G says:

    I know that the year didn’t end as you had hoped, but I’m proud of you for having a positive attitude and looking forward to 2020.

    When I was injured, physical therapy was very hard for me too. It literally felt like a workout – I was sweating and everything, lol.

  3. Coco says:

    It’s a tough way to end the year but PT will make you stronger! I feel like every round of injury/rehab helps me fix a different problem. Eventually I’ll be perfect, LOL.

  4. Marcia says:

    I can’t even imagine what it’s like to have such an abrupt and acute injury. That said, I have two running friends who sustained very similar breaks. One on stairs and one while running on icy pavement. Both have come back with flying colors and you will too. Keep rocking that PT and I know you’re going to be back even stronger than before.

    • runswithpugs says:

      It’s just so… sudden. I think I’m still very much in shock. Like I just can’t believe I’m sitting here unable to walk on my own, let alone go to the store or run or any of those things. It’s awful. Sometimes it’s hard to see clear to the end of the road. Last night, I was in a lot of pain and discomfort, and that just shakes the faith a bit.

  5. Cari says:

    Paying attention to weaker muscle groups is my goal for this round of PT — I don’t want to bandaid the issue (Achilles tendonosis last time), but fix the structural problems. I think I understand that more now.
    860 miles was my dead end. It wasn’t where I thought I’d be either, but I did hit my goal (thanks marathon training) before I broke. Virtual hugs.
    Currently devoruing All Souls Trilogy. If you haven’t read it and it’s your genre, I think it’s still 1.99 on Kindle.

    • runswithpugs says:

      I read the first book in that trilogy but haven’t gotten the others yet. I’ll read just about anything (although I don’t love nonfiction unless it’s biography). I’ll see if I can get that through my kindle app. Thanks for the suggestion.

  6. Darlene says:

    I get it. I’m there too. I’m afraid that my problem is nerve related and will not go away.

    You will heal. Hey look at me.

    It is hard. Don’t let it get you down

    • runswithpugs says:

      Oh, no! Are you getting it to the doctor to check it all out? Ugh. I hate this for you.

      I think there will be up days and down days. Maybe down weeks. I have been so upbeat but I’m just getting pissed that everything is so hard.

  7. Angela says:

    I know it must be so hard after surgery, etc. especially during the holidays! But, I am super impressed with all the miles you put in before that! Hoping 2020 brings many good things for you!!

  8. Farrah says:

    I’m so sorry–it’s definitely hard but I’m glad you’re sticking with it! I admire your diligence! I hope you recover soon so that you can get back to doing what you love!

  9. I’m so sorry that your injury has sidelined you for so long. I think a new Garmin would be good therapy!
    Debbie @ Deb Runs recently posted…Mother Nature Keeps Me Guessing with What to WearMy Profile

  10. Wendy says:

    I feel you on the weirdness of not having races on the calendar. After having to DNS or drop down to a shorter distance, I’m holding off on signing up until I feel safe that I can run it!

  11. Catrina says:

    Oh, I feel you on your disappointment. I was just writing my review of 2019 and it wasn’t much of a running year. I missed out on 10 months of running and was doing physical therapy instead.
    Like you, I tried to focus on the time ahead. I was lucky in that my doctor and physical therapist were always very optimistic, that gave me a lot of hope.
    Hang in there, you’ll be back!
    Catrina recently posted…Running with Music – Yes or No?My Profile

  12. On the bright side, 2020 should be upwards from here for you!
    You’ll have to let me know how you like the cricut! I got one a bit ago, but my computer was too old to run it.

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