October is finally here, which means ghosts, ghouls, and horror movies are everywhere. But if you ask my neighbors, the most terrifying thing on our street isn’t a plastic skeleton or a floating sheet hanging from an oak tree.
It’s me. At 6:15 AM. In reflective gear.
Runners do things on a daily basis that, to normal people, look completely unhinged. We don’t mean to creep anyone out, but our weird habits look remarkably like suspicious activity when viewed through a Ring doorbell camera. If you’ve ever caught a neighbor giving you a sideways glance while you finish a workout, you’ll recognize these deeply odd behaviors.
Pacing In Front Of The Driveway
You’re almost done with a five-mile run. You turn the corner into your neighborhood, glance at your watch, and see… 4.93 miles. There’s ZERO chance you are stopping at 4.93, so what’s a runner to do? You start pacing back and forth in front of your own house like a nervous bank robber. You run to the mailbox. You loop around the driveway. You jog in tight, frantic circles on the sidewalk while staring at your wrist. To the person inside watching you through their blinds next door, you look like a fugitive waiting for a getaway car. To you, you’re just getting to 5.00.
The Front Porch Creeper
Dark autumn mornings mean we’re running before the sun comes up. It also means we’re probably finishing getting ready by light of the front porch in order to avoid waking up the whole house. A casual observer might find this just a little sketchy. Trying to creep away discreetly somehow makes you look 100% more guilty than if you had just sprinted off.
Standing on the Corner Muttering to Yourself
Picture this: a runner is standing under a streetlight at 6:00AM. They’re clearly very aggravated, and are frantically talking or gesturing at something in their hands. They look like they’re casting a hex on the house across the street. In reality, they’re just arguing with their wireless earbuds, trying to get Siri to skip a track, or reciting their mile splits out loud so they don’t forget them before logging the run. From thirty feet away, though? Full-on spooky movie villain behavior.
The Aggressive Photographic Scouting
We love a good sunrise. We love a spooky fog rolling over the grass. But the way we take photos on runs looks incredibly shady. You’ll see a runner stop dead in their tracks, pull out a phone, take a few selfies or photos of a random field, and then sprint away as fast as they can. If an outsider didn’t know about Strava or Instagram, they might swear we were casing a joint for a late-night heist or reporting a particularly festive yard to the HOA.
Stashing Bottles In Public Bushes
If you’re out for a long weekend run, hydration is key, but carrying two handheld bottles for fifteen miles gets annoying fast. The solution? Hiding a water bottle or an electrolyte drink in a public bush or behind a park bench the night before. Walking up to a public park at dawn, reaching deep into a dense shrub, pulling out a mysterious plastic bottle full of brightly colored liquid, chugging it, and shoving it back into the leaves is objectively suspicious. There is no explaining that one to a passerby.
Next time you see someone in neon shorts doing high knees in an alleyway or staring intently at a garden gnome while checking a stopwatch, don’t call the authorities. It’s just your local runner trying to hit their weekly mileage target. Happy spooky season!
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