Running a full marathon is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.
I want to want to do it.
But, the truth is, at this moment, I kind of don’t. And because I don’t, I feel like I’m doing it wrong.
Things may change. I firmly believe in the whole “Never say never” philosophy, and there is a legitimate chance that once I complete my two upcoming half marathons, I immediately register for the first available marathon and start training for 26.2 miles.
Somehow, I don’t see it happening. And I feel like that means there’s something wrong with me as a runner for not wanting to go there.
I have such great inspirations and role models around me. So many friends who have run many marathons or who are running their first ones. Heck, I have one friend who is running a 50K in a week and an acquaintance regularly runs Big Sur. I admire these women, these athletes, so much, and I am so proud of them and excited for them. But I just can’t ever see myself lining up with them at the start of a marathon.
Also, I like longer distances. For some reason, as most runners know, the first three miles suck. What comes after is the good stuff. And even though my long run are physically and mentally challenging, I love them. I loved 10 miles and I’m going to love 13.1 miles. I just don’t see me loving 26.2.
Does that make me not serious? Am I doing this wrong?
I feel incredibly guilty that I don’t want this. That I’m not serious or dedicated enough. Is that not the most ridiculous thing? I am disappointed in myself for not voluntarily throwing myself at the change to run more miles, to wake up even earlier, to spend more time adding to my training.
I don’t even know why I’m worrying about this right now. There’s enough to keep my mind busy, what with three big races looming over the next few months. This shouldn’t even be remotely on my radar, at least until December.
But, I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t rattling absurd thoughts around in my brain. So I add this one to the mix, and I’ll try not to spend too much energy on it.
Anyone else ever feel this way? Did you change your mind or did you just own your lack of interest?