september coffee date: running through tears

Friends, this has been a very difficult and emotional week for a variety of reasons. I had to take a few days off to get my head right and find my focus again.

Join us for this month’s Ultimate Coffee Date. After reading here, head on over to visit Coco and Deborah, our awesome link-up hosts.

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I could not resist this coffee mug at Target. I don’t use a lot of mugs, but this one had to come home with me. It’s full of Dunkin’ Iced Coffee (cream only), by the way.

Over coffee, I would tell you…

That on Tuesday, our pug Bentley went to the Rainbow Bridge. He was the last of the Original Grumble (quite literally, the OG), and we are just broken hearted. While we don’t know his exact age (he was a private rescue), he was close to 14 or 15. For those that don’t know, he came from a situation of neglect and mistreatment and we really had our work cut out for us with his anxiety and aggressive tendencies. No matter what, we never gave up on him, and he was always safe and loved with us. He was crazy healthy for most of his life, but in the last couple of years, he struggled with a vestibular illness and terrible allergies, resulting in chronic ear infections. We treated everything as best we could, but this past weekend, his allergy cough started up again. He had a vet appointment scheduled for Thursday, but things deteriorated on Tuesday afternoon. The emergency vet said that his trachea was breaking down, and there was just nothing more we could do. It was quick for A and I, saying our goodbyes before Mr PugRunner took him. Despite COVID-19 regulations, the vet allowed Mr PugRunner to come into the room and hold Bentley as he passed. It was peaceful and it was time. Run free, sweet boy. Run free.

Over coffee, I would tell you…

That virtual school is no joke. Part of it is getting back into a routine and a structured schedule. The other part of it is the expectations are so much higher than they were in his regular school. It’s not hard, exactly, but it is challenging, and as A gets acclimated to the curriculum, he needs some serious direction. It’s been a battle trying to manage my schedule to mesh with his, and I am dragging at the end of every day.

Over coffee, I would tell you…

That all of this makes me feel like a huge failure. I am trying to be all things to all people, and while I am not the biggest proponent of self-care, I admit that I could very happily lock myself in a dark closet for a few hours just so I can think. I’m not a teacher, so in many ways I don’t know how to help A with his work. I worry that we made the wrong decision, especially when so many people are going back to brick and mortar school and resuming life as normal. To be honest, I feel like I am losing my mind.

Over coffee, I would tell you…

That A’s business is booming. We have to keep ordering more supplies so he can make more inventory for his upcoming market, because local folks keep placing orders. I didn’t want him to overmake, in case it’s not a big seller, but he also needs sufficient stock in case it is. Ah, the difficulties of being the boss.

Over coffee, I would tell you…

That running is going well. I continue to feel good and keep moving forward. I got some new socks (Balega International), and I really like them, so that was a win. It’s nice to treat myself to new gear and running related goodies again.

What’s new in your world?

What would you share over coffee?

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7 Responses to september coffee date: running through tears

  1. Jenn, so sorry for the loss of Bentley. Hang in there with virtual school, he’ll get the hang of it. Happy running!
    Beckett @ Birchwood Pie recently posted…Weekly Eats: Yada Yada, YadaMy Profile

  2. Liz Dexter says:

    So so sorry about Bentley, you made a kind and wise decision but I know how awful it is. And you are in no way a failure. I know how hard home schooling is from my friends who have been doing it, and while kids have been sort of forced back here, I have friends who are deeply uncomfortable about that. You are clearly a busy and brave and strong woman and I hope you can get some time for yourself to regroup and know that again.
    Liz Dexter recently posted…Book review – Karamo Brown – “Karamo: My Story of Embracing Purpose, Healing and Hope” #amreading @QueerEyeMy Profile

    • runswithpugs says:

      Thank you. I know it was the right decision, but I just wasn’t ready. I guess we never are.

      I hope we made the best decision out of all the bad decisions, but it’s just one more new thing to learn and get used to. People around here are acting like everything is done and over with, so then I think maybe we overreacted and A is angry that he can’t be in school with his friends. It’s just an endless circle of anxiety, blame, nerves, and second guessing. I don’t know which way is up anymore.

      • Liz Dexter says:

        I had been feeling exactly the same – it’s MUCH harder now there are choices and we make different ones. However in the UK we have a steep rise in cases again, so I think I was right to dial things back, even when that caused discord in my small splinter running group off the main club (I refused to run in 6s, which we’ve been allowed to do for a while). Take care of yourself xx

  3. Darlene S. Cardillo says:

    So sorry about your dog. Glad you have Luna to keep you company.

    Ugh. On school. It’s such a tough time for kids parents and teachers.

    Glad to hear running is going well.

    I am anxious to race. Doesn’t seem the same with nothing to work toward.

    Again being healthy is a gift. And I treasure that.

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