This may be a bit of a ramble. Because Thursdays are good days for rambles.
Things have been going well. Even though we are entrenched in the summer months, with all the heat, humidity and storms that go with it, my training has been solid and consistent. I get up with the alarm (mostly) and log my runs. I adhere to my training schedule. I have (finally) gotten into a consistent routine of cross training I try to be mindful of my hydration and fueling.
And that should be it. Everything is all pointing in the direction of that 26.2 in January. All I need to do is keep on keeping on, doing exactly what I’m doing and it will be fine.
But…
There’s always a but.
I feel like I’m not giving enough. And I feel out of my league. For the life of me, I can’t understand why. Obviously, the distance I’m planning to complete is staggering. It’s new. Something I’ve never experienced before. I have no way of knowing what’s going to happen on that day, and we all know I crumble when it comes to uncertainty.
On top of that, I have myself convinced that I’m not being serious. Because in addition to worrying about finishing on my own two feet, I have myself worked up into obsessing about how long it’s going to take me to do that. It’s particularly unfair to myself because there is really no way to judge my pace in the midst of summer, but I don’t feel like I am challenging myself.
It’s not a secret that I’m on the slower side, but it feels I have fallen into a habit with that. Maybe I’m at the limit of what my body can do. At some point, there is a wall where it’s just not possible to go faster, train harder or sweat more, right? Or maybe I am making excuses and need to step it up. Because obviously, when taking on 26.2 miles for the first time, one should always add extra challenges, am I right? More uncomfortably, I could be afraid. I feel like I did push it last year, and I ended up hurt for my trouble. I don’t want to risk being sidelined again in the name of a time.
If self-sabotage was an Olympic sport, I would be a guaranteed contender.
I’ve made some little compromises with myself. For one thing, the only way I’m going to get faster is, unfortunately, to run faster. So I am going to try playing around with my intervals. I think it’s still early enough in my training cycle to get used to something new, and ultimately, it might help me break through that wall that’s been frustrating me. Right now, I’m doing 2:1s, but I am going to give 2.5/1s a shot.
I am also registering for a half in October that I didn’t really plan on running. I need to submit a half time to runDisney for my corral placement, and the only one I can use is my ZOOMA time from January. Since I got hurt mid-race, I feel like it’s not representative of what I really might be able to do. While I know I wouldn’t be in one of the top corrals, I also don’t want to be in one of the last (I’d like to buy myself a little cushion of time in case of GI issues, nerves, etc).
There is a fine line between being proud of myself and satisfied with what I have accomplished and wanting more. I guess it’s that good ol’ competitive spirit. I’ll never know if I can be better if I don’t try to be better, and I will only regret it if I don’t make that effort.
Do you train at a consistent level or are you always pushing for the next milestone?
What are some little ways you’ve boosted your confidence when you’re feeling down on your abilities?
I swear I was just having this conversation in my head the other day… I’m extremely frustrated after 2 years of running (albeit, still tri training) that my running has stayed the same. I would love to feel like I’m getting better…… I too am afraid of pushing myself. I always run on my own. I would be scared to run with someone else, although my brother and I ran a 5 miler on Thanksgiving and we finished with 11:00 miles… That made me proud. Oh well, good luck, I do wish we were closer to take a run together, I am going to push myself by signing up for my first 10k.. I did a 5 miler, I can handle the 10k. Keep up the great work. Loved this post
I wish we lived closer too. There are so really great groups in my area, but they are far away. I get up early enough as it is, and the thought of having to add in 45 minute commute to and then from is just a little too much.
You are going to ROCK at 10K! And you’re going to love it, too!
Yeah, me too. I am now trying not to even look at my pace when I train..it is so slow. I run alone which makes it easier to slack off.
I guess a confidence booster is to think of all those women who have never run a race let alone a marathon.
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That does help a little. I never thought of running alone as the problem. Maybe I should start looking for a running buddy who goes around my pace.
Stop being so hard on yourself! Personally I think it’s wise when tackling a new (MUCH LONGER) distance to not worry so much about your pace. Pick ONE goal and accomplish that. Once that’s been conquered, set a new one, such as getting faster. With that said, a day of speedwork each week is a great plan even if you intend to stay at your same old pace for race day. It’s good to mix things up while training (within reason!).
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Being hard on myself is what I do best LOL!
I am definitely trying to stick to my speed work, and/or hill training. I guess it’s just so hard to see progress in the summer.
I’ll simmer down at some point. Thanks for the advice!
You’ve got this girl – a marathon is nothing to play around with but you are putting in the training and doing a great job at it!! You will be very ready come January 🙂
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Girl, I hope so. I feel like how can you ever really be ready, but I guess once you cross the start line… that’s it. You’re in it til the end.
Be very proud of what you’re doing. If you finish last who cares – you finished before everyone else who was too scared to do it! Don’t put too much pressure on yourself – its will only discourage you and make you lose confidence in yourself. I am sure you felt the same way before your first 5k and your first half marathon. You will do wonderful.
Who knows me so well? YOU DO! I was a mess before every one of those races. I don’t know why this feels different. Probably because I’m a lunatic. Thank you so much for the support and vote of confidence. It will all work out, I’m sure, but for some reason, I have to cycle through all these negative feelings or else I’ll completely choke.
I started sprint intervals and they were working. I have stopped doing them since I can’t run without the stroller, but I will pick them up again once my husband is home. I was able to shave about 45 seconds off my average pace for a 5 mile run. Of course, that was the last cool day we had here and I think that helped. It is tough with the summer heat to judge your speed because for health reasons we should slow down. Which half are you running in October? I am running the Marine Corps 1/2 to try to better my time from the Princess Half Marathon. I know I can have a faster time, and like you, I want to be in the highest corral I can to give myself plenty of time.
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You are going to be a beast by the time your hubby gets home! That stroller is working you more than you know!
I am also doing Marine Corps. I have heard that it’s hot and hard, but I don’t have much of a choice. It’s the only half available and so I will just do my best.
I will fight you for the medal in self sabotage!! I think it’s normal to doubt ourselves, but I also think you are doing a great job of pushing yourself to see what you can do.
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It sounds like we’ve got ourselves an event! Olympic Self-Sabotage: The Inaugural year! Whoo hop! I’m trying! I hope it leads to me hitting the goals I want to hit!