This may be a bit of a ramble. Because Thursdays are good days for rambles.
Things have been going well. Even though we are entrenched in the summer months, with all the heat, humidity and storms that go with it, my training has been solid and consistent. I get up with the alarm (mostly) and log my runs. I adhere to my training schedule. I have (finally) gotten into a consistent routine of cross training I try to be mindful of my hydration and fueling.
And that should be it. Everything is all pointing in the direction of that 26.2 in January. All I need to do is keep on keeping on, doing exactly what I’m doing and it will be fine.
There’s always a but.
I feel like I’m not giving enough. And I feel out of my league. For the life of me, I can’t understand why. Obviously, the distance I’m planning to complete is staggering. It’s new. Something I’ve never experienced before. I have no way of knowing what’s going to happen on that day, and we all know I crumble when it comes to uncertainty.
On top of that, I have myself convinced that I’m not being serious. Because in addition to worrying about finishing on my own two feet, I have myself worked up into obsessing about how long it’s going to take me to do that. It’s particularly unfair to myself because there is really no way to judge my pace in the midst of summer, but I don’t feel like I am challenging myself.
It’s not a secret that I’m on the slower side, but it feels I have fallen into a habit with that. Maybe I’m at the limit of what my body can do. At some point, there is a wall where it’s just not possible to go faster, train harder or sweat more, right? Or maybe I am making excuses and need to step it up. Because obviously, when taking on 26.2 miles for the first time, one should always add extra challenges, am I right? More uncomfortably, I could be afraid. I feel like I did push it last year, and I ended up hurt for my trouble. I don’t want to risk being sidelined again in the name of a time.
If self-sabotage was an Olympic sport, I would be a guaranteed contender.
I’ve made some little compromises with myself. For one thing, the only way I’m going to get faster is, unfortunately, to run faster. So I am going to try playing around with my intervals. I think it’s still early enough in my training cycle to get used to something new, and ultimately, it might help me break through that wall that’s been frustrating me. Right now, I’m doing 2:1s, but I am going to give 2.5/1s a shot.
I am also registering for a half in October that I didn’t really plan on running. I need to submit a half time to runDisney for my corral placement, and the only one I can use is my ZOOMA time from January. Since I got hurt mid-race, I feel like it’s not representative of what I really might be able to do. While I know I wouldn’t be in one of the top corrals, I also don’t want to be in one of the last (I’d like to buy myself a little cushion of time in case of GI issues, nerves, etc).
There is a fine line between being proud of myself and satisfied with what I have accomplished and wanting more. I guess it’s that good ol’ competitive spirit. I’ll never know if I can be better if I don’t try to be better, and I will only regret it if I don’t make that effort.
Do you train at a consistent level or are you always pushing for the next milestone?
What are some little ways you’ve boosted your confidence when you’re feeling down on your abilities?