runfessions: embarrassed by limitations

Today, I’m opening up about being embarrassed by limitations. I’m not proud of how I feel, but I do try to be honest about this journey with all its ups and downs.

Let’s join up with Marcia’s Healthy Slice and talk it out in our February Runfessions

I runfess…

That I hate to be in the gym with other people. It’s ridiculous, but I’m embarrassed by limitations. I feel like like people stare at my brace or my limp. Sometimes, they straight up ask me about it, and since we are sharing a small-ish space, I feel that saying “none of your business” would make things uncomfortable. And I don’t mind sharing that information if people are interested, but I also just want to get in, do my workout, and leave. I feel awkward enough navigating the equipment with a not-so-strong leg and the less time I have to spend there, the better.

I runfess…

That I don’t think I will ever be at one with the elliptical. I can’t put my finger on it, but we just don’t mesh. I’m grateful that I am able to put in more time and distance on it, but there’s just no taking away from the fact that it’s miserable for me

I runfess…

That I am so embarrassed by my injured leg. I was always so proud of my legs and how strong the were, especially my calves. My ankles were pretty, in my opinion. I even loved my feet: long toes, high arches, and incredible flexibility. Recovering from a broken leg has changed everything. The muscles in my right leg are atrophied and the flexibility in my foot will never be the same. My ankle is “fat” from the hardware and scarred from the surgery. I can’t stand the sight of it. I’m not vain about a lot of things, but this has been hard to get over.

I runfess…

That I am really anxious about being refitted for shoes. Even though I know I am coming back from injury, I am embarrassed of the scrutiny my lower limbs will get at the running store. I’ve worked in the industry, so I am aware of the exercises they will want to see, but I also worry that it’s going to be one of those longer, more grueling fittings. Everything has to be just right for my foot and ankle, with and without the brace, and it’s just going to be a thing. It’s just me borrowing trouble, of course, but these are the things that keep me up at night.

I runfess…

That I’m missing another two fantastic race weekends: Best Damn Race Orlando tomorrow and the Gate River Run next weekend. These are staples in my running diet, and not being at either one is hard. I really look forward to these big community events, and not being a part of them cuts deep.

And there you have it. My runfessions for the month.

What dark running secrets would you runfess?